Random Thoughts

A Recipe for a Good Day

This workweek couldn't be over soon enough. In the chaos of each day this short week, I keep my eye on the prize -- a four-day weekend! I knew at the end, I would get to return home to start making the feast.

Now some would say that finding joy in cooking sounds a bit twisted. You might wonder why anyone would subject themselves, willingly, to hours of stuffing, peeling, grating, dicing, mixing, basting? You get the picture. Aren't the more evolved hosts picking their meal up from Raley's?

It's hard to explain how creating a dish from scratch, even one I've made a hundred times over, is comforting. Maybe it's because I'm sure of what I'll get at the finish for the effort. I also know for the time in, we'll have leftovers for days that will warm the body and the heart. Comfort food at its best.

Today as I prepare my bird, I'm enjoying the solitude while the family slumbers and the beginning of the day at my leisure. Only the dogs have padded into the kitchen to watch me wash my bird while the onions are sauteing. I don't mind being up at the crack of dawn for this task, since I don't have to do it, I choose to do it. A hot mug of coffee is my reward as I work.

I relish in each task, get a little lost in the repetition. The routine soothes me. My hands know how to carry out each task so well, that I can allow my mind to drift off. Allowing me to reflect. To remember past holidays, gatherings, phone calls, conversations. Those special memories I like to revisit.

Then there are the new memories I'll hope to make, if I can just convince the kids to join me. And not to get the cooking done faster, but to have them with me. When my son or daughter can be coaxed to help chop the salad fixings or stir the pudding for pie, I'm secretly ecstatic. The phones get put aside and the outside distractions are temporarily forgotten. And we share a piece of the day together, working side by side, talking, laughing, singing.

Of course, I'm reminded of time spent in the kitchen with my Mom. Which triggers memories of moments in the kitchen with my grandmothers. My aunts and my cousins. As much as I loathed KP at the close of each holiday feast, I have to confess I wish with all my heart we could do it again, all of us, one more time, impossible as it is since time has taken some of our family members from us. The time spent teasing and yelling over each other as we worked is priceless.

Funny how a chore can be turned into something treasured when you share it with people you love. That can be said for a meal or anything shared, for that matter. I guess it's being present in the moment and appreciating the company of those who matter so much.

While the sink is filling up with peelings and soiled dishes, and the scent of turkey begins to waft through the house, I'm happy to have the time to reflect on what has been, and I look forward to what will be.

Land of the Free

My daughter and I went on the road again, the final "away" tournament with her travel softball team. This time, we were headed north to Redding, right on the heels of last weekend's San Diego trip. As I closed the trunk of our car, ready to hit the road, strangely my thoughts were not about the events that lay immediately ahead of us. I was acknowledging how lucky we are to be women in this country.

I should have been wound up at the thought of leaving on a long drive with my favorite girl and a collection of good music. We could join our the team anytime that night, which meant we could stop when we wanted, where we wanted along the way for a meal or whatever. Nothing but a stretch of time and highway in front of us.

Maybe it was that slight feeling of liberation from the daily grind that made me pause. I stopped for a brief second to recognize that unlike women in other places of the world, I was free to do what I pleased. In that moment and in others throughout the weekend, instead of taking my personal liberty for granted, I appreciated my good fortune.

I think it was the goodbyes that did it. I had to wonder. If we weren't living right here, in this time, would my husband so nonchalantly send off his only daughter and wife with a kiss? Would I be allowed to back our family car out of the driveway to the open roads for two days?

In other places of the world, this simple act would not be possible for a multitude of women. In too many countries, especially south and east of us, women are devalued and abused simply because of their gender. These women can only imagine what it would be like to enjoy the rights we consider basic, such as feeling respected and safe in our own homes.

Had I lived in Yemen today, I would have had to ask my husband for permission to leave the house.

Had I lived in Saudi Arabia, I would no have a driver's license, because they're not granted to women, even the highly educated.

If I had lived in Afghanistan, I may not be alive. There's a good chance I wouldn't have survived childbirth, since the c-sections that saved my babies, and me, here, may not have been allowed or attempted there. The majority of the population doesn't have the money, means or time to get to a hospital, or believe in medical professionals. In the poorest rural areas, most husbands prefer to pray through the birthing process, and because being pregnant is proof they've had sex with their husbands, the more conservative mothers choice to hide in the privacy of their homes.

In many of the same countries where education is a right offered to women, rape is the number one crime against women. Imagine having to choose between getting an education or remaining safely at home, since leaving the house might mean exposing yourself to rape and/or kidnapping. 

Equally disturbing is the violence some women face in their own homes. They may be subjected to genital mutilation or forced into early-aged marriage. For a simple display of independence or non-compliance, the punishment may be severe. For example, if a woman refuses to cover her hair, wait on male family members, dresses “too western,” or seeks a divorce, depending on the culture, she may be restricted, shunned or murdered. Honor killings are not viewed as murder but a means to restore honor to the family. Even worse is these killings are usually barbaric and involve other family members, such as a mother or cousin holding down the offending female while she is strangled, set afire or stabbed.  

Back home, our tournament weekend ended on such a high note, with the championship taken cleanly away from the second seeded team. And I had the pleasure of hanging with my daughter, of being startled awake by her sleep talk, of splitting Monsters with her and sharing the driving. I felt so fortunate to enjoy these simple pleasures. 

To those I can add a list of personal rights I enjoy every day, like the right to health care, to work and earn money, and do so safely. It's hard enough to imagine a time when these rights weren't in place for American women, but it seems ludicrous that today, in this year, these rights are not universal.

The explanation for our good fortune is simply that we were born in the right place at the right time. Only dumb luck separates us from the oppression felt elsewhere in the world.

Because of our U.S. address, we could travel this weekend without a male escort, with money I earned, in a vehicle registered to me. Allowed to check into a hotel with my own ID, and not questioned because I arrived without a male guardian. I was able to safely stop for gas miles from home without being detained, threatened or sexually assaulted because of my gender. And upon my return home, I was not beaten by my husband for having left him and my son to fend for themselves.

So today, just following Veteran's Day, I can't help but feel enormous gratitude to all who have dedicated themselves to the service of our country. For making our homeland a place of hope and abundant freedom, and for protecting our rights as Americans and human beings. I'm so proud and humbled to be living in a country where human life is valued. There are those who may make a case that we don't truly live in the land of the free, but if this is as close to freedom as we get, I'll take it.